My Fellow Americans – An important story before Election Day.
Hello loves.
I have so so so much to say and post about The Massive Dresden Dolls weekend in Boston but give me a day or two to recover and collect the photos. In a word: healing. In two words: fucking incredible.
Meanwhile…..
My fellow Americans.
Ok, oldest trick in the book and I am not above using a picture of me holding a cute-baby to make a political point.
BUT….I’m gonna tell an actually important story about something that happened over the weekend, and I’m gonna cross post it on a few platforms. Posting a hot photo of my band or just telling you to vote won’t move the needle much. You’ve heard it all before and the algorithm is like whatever. But.
Over the weekend, I had these huge shows in Boston. Many of you were there.
(Photos Natasha Moustache. Many more coming I promise…with all the patron photos to boot).
The Dresden Dolls played these two shows in a row at a 3,500 capacity hall on Friday and Saturday nights and the energy was electric and the band was on fire. I moved back to Bostonfrom upstate New York in August, and I got to sleep at home instead of in a hotel or Air BNB, which was nice.
My boyfriend stayed with me and offered to chauffeur so I wouldn’t have to drive myself or cab the 30 minutes home after exploding myself on stage, and we also gave lifts to various friends from out of town. Here comes the story.
One of my out of town friends (who shall remain anonymous) was alone in the car with us for about a half an hour. Because I’m me, and she’s her, and because of, well, everything, she felt safe enough to tell us the story of the abortion she had a few months ago.
It was a really scary and sad story, and the relationship that produced the pregnancy is now over; it was a toxic one, and the guy was emotionally abusive. I’m very glad she left him.
The pregnancy they terminated also wasn’t viable, which makes the story even weirder and sadder. She told the story slowly from the backseat, and it was hard to hear, and I held her hand and felt tears coming to my eyes often while she talked. I held my boyfriend’s hand, too. We listened. I felt her story deeply. I know the complicated cocktail of emotions you go through when you’re pregnant, and scared, and ending a pregnancy. It’s impossible to put those feelings into words.
People in America forget that this is happening ALL. THE. TIME….behind closed doors, off social media, in your workplace, in your family. People just don’t. Talk. About it.
But here’s the thing.
My boyfriend sat in the driver’s seat and he also listened to this entire story. He didn’t judge her. He didn’t try to fix it, tell her what she might have done differently, offer up his solutions to her problems. He just listened with an open heart and offered up the only thing that either of us could offer up: love, acceptance, companionship in sorrow. A non-judgemental ear.
I love this guy, and I think that – especially in today’s world – this guy is an excellent role model for my son. It is not nothing for my son to see a strong, 6-foot man with a beard who can talk about hardware and the Red Sox but also listen – intently – to a woman tell a story like this and have extreme empathy for the sadness of the whole mess.
(And yes; if you were wondering what I do to warm up on huge show days, I drive around and talk to people about the saddest things. I’d rather do that than rehearse lyrics. Sue me. It’s real life.)
What does this have to do with the election, Amanda?
A couple things.
First and obvious: any vote not for Harris/Walz puts Trump in power and that will lead to an expansion of Trump abortion bans. Women are dying due to these bans because they cannot access safe and legal abortion care.
If Trump wins, people like my out-of-town friend in many states will not able to access necessary, basic healthcare. It will wreak havoc on the lives of millions of women (and their kids, and their partners, and their whole families). The knock-on effect is seismic.
And…
You may not like 100% of Kamala’s moves and policies, but please….just imagine what some of the men of this country will take from the election if Trump gets in.
Trump is a convicted felon, an unapologetic racist and rapist, a fear-mongering bully.
The very act of putting him in the seat of ultimate power is the wand of authentication that many boys and men need to go down a path of total and irreversible darkness. If Trump gets in, the story gets really dark in terms of what the narrative will be around the treatment and place of women in this society. It’s already weird enough.
If the power-wand is handed to the kind of guy who does not listen, does not want to listen, CANNOT listen, and can only work from ego, fear, punishment, and maintains a kind of varsity-level desperate competitiveness with all other men (and, let’s face it all human beings)…do not underestimate the knock-on effect it will have on other people, especially our children.
My son is nine. He and I are just starting to have the important talks about consent and respect and accountability.
I know a lot of men, and boys, and have been watching so many of them struggle with fear, their identities, their sense of self-worth, many of them struggling (hardcore) their slipping purchase on power and taken-for-granted importance.
I look at my son looking at all of these men.
I want my son to wake up on Wednesday with hope in his heart. I want him to wake up to the idea that America is gonna be okay and that the bully will indeed have to go to the principals office for beating up on the smaller kids.
I want him to wake up to a world where he can imagine that people are going to LISTEN to the women, the survivors, the minorities, the gays, the artists….the people who do not usually hold the positions of ultimate power….and see that there is hope.
We said it on stage the other night and the crowd seemed to agree: THE SYSTEM IS CLEARLY NOT PERFECT, but for the love of all that’s holy, vote to protect our queer and trans brothers and sisters. Vote to protect a person’s right to choose. VOTE FOR CLIMATE.
WE WILL STILL HAVE TO FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR MEANINGFUL CHANGE. WE KNOW.
Get ready to fight either way. And meanwhile – vote for Harris/Walz, let’s get Trump – a man with no respect for minorities, women, queers, a man who is a convicted felon found guilty of sexual assault – OUT OF THE PICTURE and let’s get things back to a semblance of sanity and back on basic track….and let’s get to work. There is much to heal. To change. To make better. Vote for hope, not fear.
I want my son to wake up to an America that believes in true fairness and accountability.
To an America where strong men do not have to bully and rule the roost in order to be strong men.
I want him to wake up to an America where men listen to – and to believe – what women say.
I want him to know that the future does not have to belong to the bullies.
Please….and I’ll only pull this card once: if you’re on the fence and this post can convince you:
Please….vote Harris/Walz for my son.
Photo: Lee Barron.
Thanks.
I love you.
Let me know you voted.
♥️
P.S. this header photo was taken when Ash was about 2 and I was posting photos of him all the time. You’ll notice I don’t post photos of Ash’s face much anymore, it’s his life to tell now, should he choose to tell it…he’s 9 and almost as tall as I am. And? Those eyes still kill me.
Last PS
