the headlines and the heart here.

hello loves.

front page shots of the new zealand herald today, january 8, 2021.

it’s one thing to read it on the new york times and guardian apps…and it’s another thing to actually see the headlines in new zealand’s national newspaper.

i will admit: i burst out crying when i saw this newspaper.

it isn’t just that it’s happening. it’s that the whole world is looking at my home country with disgust and pity. it’s such a weird feeling to be here. not home. not there. neither here nor there.

and not only that, but this is in a goddamn pizza restaurant. i’m out for pizza with ash because i’m in new zealand and people are hanging out and hugging and eating pizza in crowded cafes like things are normal.

and they are. and they are not. they are not. i don’t know how to feel or what to say besides…this is hard.

and i love you, whenever you are.

hang in there. there’s a lot of hope as well.

as one of my favorite buddhist sayings goes:

out of the shit,

the lotus.

x

afp